my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
