Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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