he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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