We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize