benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
