Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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