dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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