TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
