Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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