so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
