You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
