At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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