I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
