all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
