i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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