anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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