Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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