We're like a lot better than the average bears
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
