Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
