You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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