I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
