a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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