whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
