I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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