what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
