SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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