please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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