I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
