he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
