...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
