Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
