The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
