Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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