I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
