Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
