Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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