guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she told me i tasted like america
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
