I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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