i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
