I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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