Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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