i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
