I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
