will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
