I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
