There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
