my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
