I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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