So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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