The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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