should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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