I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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