i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
