How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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