one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
