loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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