I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
