Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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