I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
