so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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