help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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