; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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