May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
