if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
