Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
