He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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