Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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