i don't plan on having that self control this summer
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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