I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
