I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
