omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
