You just made me feel so damn special
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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