Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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