I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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