I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
