I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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