We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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