so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
