the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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