On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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