nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
