I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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