I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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