you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
